Husband’s help with household chores

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You hear of unequal partnerships after children or mothers take on the heaviest burden while fathers seemingly do less. But in my case (fortunately) it was different. Helping my husband with household chores after the birth of our son was his own decision. I didn’t have to twist his arm. I felt no unspoken resentment. I couldn’t complain that he didn’t do anything while I was doing everything, because he shared the load with me. In fact, he took over the housework altogether, from cleaning to cooking to maintaining the yard. And he did it without complaining.

In our case, we did not expect this to be so. I had three months of maternity leave — he had two weeks. So while he went back to working full time and eventually adding part time and enrolling in school, I stayed home with our son. And after my maternity leave ended, I moved from a full-time job to a part-time remote job.

Related: 18 Chores For Kids That Teach Important Life Skills

In the eyes of society, I’m a working stay-at-home mom with plenty of time to take care of household chores. and child care. I should have a hot dinner ready every night, the house should be clean, our child should always be looked after, and I should greet my husband at the door with a kiss when he comes home from work. But believe me, as much as I can try doing all these things, it doesn’t always happen.

In the eyes of society, I am a woman who should can do anything. But I can not.

This belief has contributed to burnout among mothers around the world. In Motherly’s 2022 State of Motherhood Survey, data shows that 40% of mothers say more help would increase their positive feelings about motherhood. But are mothers really receive more help without having to lose so much of themselves before the olive branch is extended?

As women, we tell ourselves that we can do anything, not because we can, but because society forces us to believe that we to have to.

The reality is this: parenthood is a burden that needs to be shared, no matter how you cut the pie.

And in a society where many women have partners who don’t help with household chores or childcare, I’m grateful to have someone who helps with household chores, among many other things.

Related: Your burnout is not your fault

Even though I work from home and have more free time than he does to help maintain our home, I don’t have time at all either. Because I’m busy taking care of our son, running errands, getting groceries, running a side business, scheduling appointments, worrying about dinner for the week, and trying to maintain myself at a time.

I remember one night when my husband came home from work and asked me how my day was. My answer was very short and dry. That must have been my tone of voice because my husband asked, “Do you feel defeated?

And me did.

The house was a mess, our son was cranky and struggling with sleep, I was trying to multitask, cooking dinner and scheduling swimming lessons – and on top of that I had so much other things on my to-do list that I felt needed to be done. I didn’t have it all figured out and I felt defeated because I thought I should.

As women, we tell ourselves that we can do anything, not because we can, but because society forces us to believe that we to have to.

But the words my husband said to me that day made me realize that I was never meant to do it alone.

“I didn’t marry you so you had to do everything. Capitalize on your strengths rather than dwelling on your weaknesses. And allow me to help out and do what I do best. That’s how we balance. »

And that is. We balance each other out. By taking over from the other and knowing that on some days one of us may only have 30% to give, so the remaining 70% falls on the other. But that’s how we work together.

Where one of us is weak, the other is strong.

He noticed the weight of the load and offered to share it with me. And our marriage is stronger because of it.

Surely there are days when he carries most of the weight. And there are surely days when I wear them the most. But most of the time we try to meet in the middle and make sure the load isn’t a burden on either of us. This is the problem of our partnership. Where one of us falls short, the other is there to provide lift. Where one of us is weak, the other is strong. And that’s how we keep moving forward.

My husband noticed that housework was something he could easily devote his time to (during the height of those early postpartum months and even now), given that he works late at night and our son is getting ready usually go to bed by the time he gets home.

Related: Mom, you were never meant to do it all

Throughout the week, we both recognize that he doesn’t have much time to help out with the majority of childcare, but he makes up for it by relieving me of the household chores. And on the weekends, when he has free time, he helps me more with the childcare and allows me to have time “for myself” which I really need.

In a culture where women are known to carry most of the weight, especially after the kids, I’m lucky to have a husband who doesn’t allow me to carry it alone.

I understand that not everyone is lucky enough to have partners who willingly offer their help. This is not to incite more resentment from mothers who experience unequal partnerships. This is not to provoke a debate on the distribution of household chores. It’s not to make a mother feel guilty that even her husband who helps with household chores still doesn’t feel like enough.

But he is raise awareness of the fact that partnerships, where both parties balance each other, can long way. In the lyrics of Sarah MacLean, “The best partnerships depend not on a simple common goal, but on a shared path of equality, desire and great passion.”

STATEMENT OF METHODOLOGY

Motherly designed and administered this survey through Motherly’s subscriber list, social media and partner channels resulting in over 17,000 responses creating a clean, unweighted baseline of 10,001 responses. This report focuses on the Gen X cohort of 1,197 respondents, the Gen Y cohort of 8,558 respondents, and a Gen Z cohort of 246 respondents. Edge Research weighted the data to reflect the racial and ethnic makeup of America’s female millennial cohort based on US Census data.

essays, marriage, parenting styles

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